Last Night

I could hardly sleep from thinking...thinking about you.The thoughts kept racing in my head wondering if I should chase her or let her leave me.I wasn't sure if I should proceed with caution.If she could explain to me what exactly she wants me to do then maybe I would have the right idea and I wouldn't make her upset all the time.But this time I don't understand why she's pushing me away.I need her to explain,explain everything,explain what she wants,explain what she needs,explain what she's been thinking,explain how she feels,just explain everything.I need to understand what's happening,everything.

I've told you before I really care about you and I never want you to leave my life and how you were my everything.Do you think this is some joke or some lie?Because it's not.What I say is the truth and the truth only.I have no time to lie or play games.Your important to me but you don't realize it,you don't appreciate it.I try and try to make you happy but then one point you just sound miserable.When you do sound like that all I can think is "She's better off without me because all I do is make her upset" but I can't leave you and you know that but if you want me to and you think it will make you better then I'll pack everything we had everything we shared and walk away from this journey we once had.

You might feel better but I won't.I'm hurt by everything and everyone even though I never show it.I don't show the pain I feel,the pain that dwells in my body and makes me sick to my stomach.I've been so weak I can barely crawl on my hands and knees.I can barely cough or laugh without the pain torturing my body.I close myself off from everyone and listen to music and sleep,sleep,sleep all day.I wake up barely,get dressed,and leave this lovely place I call home.I go out to release some of the pain and anger that sits inside of me but all I do is sleep at every one's house and I wake up and leave again.I come home and more family are over and I fake a smile pretending everything is alright and go to my room and fall to the floor gripping my ribs to give them comfort while I cough the pain out and just lay there while my body continuously shakes non-stop.I try to make an effort to get up and lay on my bed but the bed looks higher than usual and when the effort fails I lose all hope and just lay there endlessly ignoring my family calling me from downstairs ignoring the text messages I receive.I just lay there in the dark watching my phone light up deciding whether or not to answer it.I just fall into a heavy sleep.

I go hours and hours of sleep hoping when I wake up everything will be better.But it won't be and I get my hopes to high to only watch them slip away underneath me giving me the pain that still dwells in my body.I just need the comfort I once got from you.I just need someone to hold me close and never let me go saying everything will be ok.But I also want you to explain everything to me of why we can't be the same because it seems you don't want it to.You make me confused and I don't talk to you so I won't be a bother.We can try to make this work or you can just tell me to leave.

"I want to be the one that still hears your heartbeat even if we're miles apart..."

nataliaa_ericaa