Diary Entry

Alright.I type here like everyday probably more than once.As you may know or not but my grandma died when I was in 6th grade.I guess I'm not over that fact.I look at her picture everyday when I wake up in the morning since her picture is on my wall.I remember when it all happened and the memory never goes away.It's a bad memory that sits on my shoulder.The hospital,the call,the visit,the tears,the family,the funeral,the burial.Ugh the burial,the part where I had to say goodbye forever throwing my white rose in the pile of red roses.Tears streaming down,me on my knees,my brother and sister both having one of my shoulder in each hand crying,whispering.Together we couldn't bear the pain.We kept to ourselves and didn't talk to anyone.My family would just hold me.They knew.They knew how I felt.I cried myself to sleep every night.She was gone,gone,gone.Gone out of my life,Gone from the pain,Away from me FOREVER.But she was never gone from my heart.She was never gone from the memories I had with her.Now I was young when I lost her.I was like 12 years old.That's young.Your probably thinking you were 12,it's not like you had any memories with her.No.My family is different.We are so close we visit our grandparents every week.She was amazing.She was beautiful.Her skin was perfect.She'd take care of me more than anyone ever did.I lived with her until i had to start school.I was always with her.She was there when I went to the hospital.She was the one that held my hand and told me I would make it even when my own mom thought I wouldn't survive that night.I was the one holding her hand that night,telling her she would make it that day.Even though she couldn't talk because she had a tube in her throat,all she could manage to do was shake her head yes.She believed in herself.When I left I cried hoping she'd survive that night.But she didn't.The memory never goes away.As much as I push it away,it never does.NEVER!It just stays there.The pain never drifts away.What am I to do?I just keep letting it replay in my head...I cry from the horrid image:/ 4 years ago she died.The memory,the pain.It never goes away.All I do is look at my sister and say "I miss her" and walk away from the painful memories.I remember every single detail and it kills me.It will never walk out of my life.NEVER...

nataliaa_ericaa