Mixture of my thoughts

Let me get my thoughts together and try to summarize everything that has occurred this whole time I was away from my computer.

Oh, the lovely drama that never seems to fade but only gets stronger as the days go by. Can it all just stop and disappear for a day? Not so much.

I had a lot planned for this month. February? Why? Is it because of Valentine's Day? No, it couldn't be. I didn't have a Valentine. Fuck It. I don't want to remember Valentine's Day at all this year. It was the worst. A nightmare that I will never forget. Regret ever going out on this day. Ashamed;;Embarrassed. End of Story.

No, February? What else happens? I remember. My sister's birthday. February 18. But it's also my Grandma's birthday. We haven't celebrated it in 4 years because my sister was devastated to celebrate her birthday for once without my grandma.

No, February? Winterball? Was once excited for it but once it was cancelled, all hell broke loose. Christian? He got mad at me and flipped out. OK? Done talking to you until you cool down a bit.

What else is there?

Getting random texts that confuse me...thinking more

Anyways, I became close with Aly and even though she lives in North Plainfield it feels like she lives down the street. We legit talk about nothing. We laugh over our text faces we make towards each other and we're always there for each other. She gets overprotective sometimes which makes me feel safe for a little while. She doesn't mind that I'm busy, or running in track 24/7, or working out on the weekends, or sleeping all day, or doing anything or nothing. She knows a lot about me in the amount of what? 2 weeks we've known each other. I accept her the way she is and she accepts the things I do. She supports me in everything I want to do or become. We joke around about our teachers and laugh non-stop.

Enough of that...

You know how you can care about someone so much but they never realize it. Every time, you make an effort to talk to them and they just push you away or don't bother talking to you. And you may with weeks without talking or hanging out. Yeah well that happens a lot now a days.

How about when your friend sets you up and you lose your other friend because of it? Yeah that happened this month to.

What else happened?

Uhm...everything I planned failed.Had a big track meet on the 12th and that sucked. I didn't get to Sandburg at 11:15 and I didn't get home until 11:30. Ruined my plans to hang out with Natalie and Sami and everyone else that went to Sami's house that night.We had those snow days but I was sick. Snow everywhere felt amazing. Olaa and track? fun as hell had snowball fights and ran around in the snow was our workout. Lifted weights with Somers. Track party? Soon Braces? Off very soon:D I'll smile even more.

I miss everything about you and the way we used to chill...

"Living it up :D"

nataliaa_ericaa

Yeah OK?

There she goes again...walking right past me, like nothing ever happened, like if she never saw me. I felt like everything back fired on me and I just stay quiet feeling like if I say something my words will become twisted up and since you believe everyone else over me. It's fine. I kept my cool but you honestly don't understand how much I want to yell at you, how much I want to curse you off, put you down like all the times you made me feel like shit and made me cry, or just cry my eyes out like there's no tomorrow. I kept it fair by just keeping quiet because I need to control my emotions and just move on. Me like an idiot always thought it was my fault and I ended up crawling to your feet saying sorry because I couldn't stand when you were upset because I'd burst every time you accused me of something I didn't do. I noticed when I sit in class, I have my head down and barely talk. I can't look into any one's eyes because mine start to tear up. I fiddle with things that aren't even necessary and think. Think to myself. My thoughts get broken off when my phone rings or my parents call me downstairs. And then I'm back to reality.